


as i'm walking towards the door (i'm not sure)

by xheartoflifex



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, OT5 Friendship, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 17:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3619044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xheartoflifex/pseuds/xheartoflifex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis might be a little bit desperate to keep Zayn close to him at all times, even after he's left the band. That part proves harder than he expects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	as i'm walking towards the door (i'm not sure)

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT. At first I thought writing a fic about what happened yesterday was a little bit too soon, but I couldn't stop thinking about this and I just kept getting more and more and more ideas about what to write. Obviously, I don't know the exact facts of what really happened with Zayn 'leaving' the band because the only people who truly know all the details are Zayn and the management - so, y'know, this is me playing fast and loose with what I do know. Think of it as alternate universe, whatever, I don't caaaaaare.
> 
> But this is the brainchild from my reading of a couple of _pretty_ wild theories off Twitter where they go into Zayn's hand being forced into quitting by Modest/Perrie/whoever else for whatever reasons. I have my own feelings about what went on, but this is just a piece of fiction made for entertainment purposes, so take it as you will. Also listening to _Change My Mind_ on repeat for a few hours didn't help. I definitely don't recommend that unless you enjoy being in emotional pain over Zayn leaving. Totally your call. The title comes from the song as well, so ya dig.

Something was wrong. Louis could feel it, he’d known it from when he’d woken up this morning. Something felt off.

Dragging his finger around the rim of the empty teacup for what must’ve been the millionth time aready, he felt antsy. He needed something to do. It was only half past nine, but he’d been up for three hours already, having been sleeping light these past few days. He’d already gotten the chance to eat, shower, drink some tea, call his mum, and now he found himself in front of the television, just trying to pass the time, knowing that there was only about another hour or so until they needed to be at the arena for sound check. Louis let out a sigh. He didn’t have any idea what was happening on the show, maybe it was a news show, or maybe it was a talk show - Harry had control of the remote as he was sitting on the couch next to him, but he was too absorbed in reading off a bunch of tweets on his timeline. Aloud, nonetheless. With a roll of his eyes, Louis placed the cup on the table and got to his feet.

Stretching for a moment, trying to shake the fatigue from his muscles, he frowned before scratching absently at the back of his neck. He didn’t know what to do with himself now. Usually at this point in the morning, he’d wander over to Zayn’s room to wake him up in order to make sure that he didn’t oversleep, fighting to wake the other up before all but having to resort to physically drag him out from under the covers. It usually helped when he brought him a cup of tea, but that was on good days. That job was nonexistent right now. Had been for a while, actually. Considering that for the past few shows, Zayn was usually awake before the rest of them, claiming that he’d been trying to get an early start but the tinge of dark circles under his eyes saying something completely different entirely.

“You’re making me anxious, Lou. Go do something with yourself or come back and sit down here. No use in you staring off into space,” Harry muttered offhandedly, glancing over his shoulder to look at him. With a scowl, Louis lingered in his place for a bit, trying to think of something smart to say back to Harry, but he knew he was right. He made his way to the doors and walked into the hallway.

No wonder he made Harry feel anxious, he was making _himself_ feel anxious. His hands felt jittery, his mind kept wandering to different thoughts. He was supposed to be focusing on the tour, the press, everything that this new tour entailed him to do - but how was he supposed to do that when none of them had even heard from Zayn since he packed up for the airport almost a week ago. No texts, no phone calls, nothing despite their valiant efforts to do so. The only things they had heard were things from the rumor mills was that he had gone straight to Perrie’s.

Which - for someone who’s taking a break from a tour due to stress, that didn’t seem like the first thing that should’ve been done. Maybe getting some sleep or seeing his family would’ve been first on the list, but what did Louis know, right? Rolling his eyes as the thought passed through his head, Louis hated this not knowing. Pulling his phone out of his back pocket, he checked his phone for any new messages, knowing that subconsciously that he was looking for a certain one - but only receiving some from his mom and sisters.

“Louis, did you get his text too?”

Interrupting his thoughts, Louis turned his head to seem Liam poking his head out of his hotel room door, looking up and down the hall before coming out to meet him.

“As much as I love cryptic conversations, I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

Liam held his phone out, and Louis already knew who he was talking about before he even saw the name on it, but he didn’t want to believe it. A smile pulled at Louis’ face as he read saw the message, although he had to remind himself to ignore the bitter spark that ignited him, wondering why Zayn had chosen to only text Liam. But he remembered that normally when Zayn was upset or stressed out or anything like this, Liam was the person - and usually the only person he would talk to.

‘ _flying into jakarta this morning, see you all soon, z_ ’

Louis read it aloud, then once again to himself to make sure he had read it correctly. It felt like something heavy had just been lifted off of his chest, like he could finally breathe when he hadn’t been able to for the past week. Zayn was coming back. They were going to be whole again - they were going to be One Direction up on that stage yet again.

“When did he send this? Do you know if he’s here yet? Where’s Paul? He’ll know,” Louis spit the questions out before even giving Liam the chance to answer any of them at all, the look on his face looking completely confused as he just shrugged.

“Your guess is as good as mine, mate. I just woke up to this text, and that’s about all I know right now. I tried to text him back to get more info out of him, but he hasn’t replied back yet -”

The door behind the two of them opened up, cutting Liam off mid-sentence, causing both he and Louis to turn and see Paul standing on the other side, an expression of surprise on his face to see the two of them already outside the door. Louis’ already ready to ask what’s going on and to see if he knew where Zayn was, but he stopped short, watching Paul carefully. The look on his face was quickly replaced by something Louis couldn’t quite read, but looked very similar to a letdown.

“Grab Niall and Harry and bring ‘em in here. We’ve got some things to talk about before the show tonight.”

* * *

 

Zayn’s already in the room when the four of them walk in, sitting quietly on the bed and staring at his hands so intently that he didn’t even notice the entrance until they all but piled on top of him in a tangle of arms and hugs and choruses of excitement. He still looked exhausted, dressed all in black like usual with a knit black hat covering his hair. But Louis didn’t miss the tired smile lighting up his face when he did notice them - no one could’ve missed that.

The door was closed behind them, Paul and one of the other head’s of their management standing and huddling together as they exchange a few words together. Louis hates having to deal with them, because they’re all about the business and the money and never about the fans or even the group as a whole. Which was why he really didn’t like the fact that this guy was here right now. After giving Zayn a hug, pulling him close and getting reacquainted with that smell of cigarettes and spices and his cologne, Louis stepped back, positioning himself closer to to Paul and the management rep. Putting himself in between the two of them and Zayn, he realized. It wasn’t on purpose, but he didn’t know what was going on, and Zayn’s never been the most outspoken one of them, so he’ll try to make up for them.

The boys have crowded around Zayn and are all clamoring to talk over each all at once. It’s only been six days, since they’ve last seen him, but when you’ve practically been living with each other day in and day out for close to five years, six days is enough.

“Good to have ya back, Zayn. It just wasn’t the same without ya up there!” Niall crowed, clapping Zayn on the shoulder. Harry just hung onto him like a lemur, arms thrown around his shoulders as if he was nervous the other boy was going to suddenly leave again. Liam similarly had a hand resting on Zayn’s knee, like he was trying keeping him close and exactly where he was. The look of overwhelming affection was easily readable on Zayn’s face, even though he hadn’t said anything yet. Just soft smiles and appreciative glances are all he needed to give.

“So - does this mean everything is all better? That you’re better?” Louis finally asked quietly from where he was standing, dropping the bomb that none of them had been wanting to say but more than likely all of them had wanted to know. “Are you - are you back with us for good?” He cleared his throat, trying to cover up the fact that his voice was wavering slightly, but it was scary. _He_ was scared, not knowing what was truly happening or what this meeting was possibly going mean for Zayn. He just needed him there. He needed to hear those words.

Zayn’s eyes truly caught onto Louis’ gaze for the first time since they’d all entered the room, like he hadn’t been expecting the question. As they widened slightly, his mouth opened in the beginning formations of words - before shutting immediately after, looking in another direction. Anywhere but at Louis.

It’s a bit like a punch to Louis’ stomach, because that was _nowhere_ near the answer he was looking for.

He wanted to ask what was going on, he wanted to know what Zayn wasn’t telling him, he wanted to know anything - but before he got the chance to say something, Paul stepped in and spoke up, cutting him off. “Guys, the reason why we’re meeting today is to discuss something very important. Something that I feel like everyone has known was coming. This is John, he’s one of the guys from Modest that we work with.” Louis looked at both of them, Paul and the greased up guy in the suit who looked like he was enjoying this more than Paul did.

Louis sort of really wanted to punch him in the face.

“The reason he’s here today was to go through some of the fine print that’s written on your contracts,” Paul started, before taking a deep breath. It reminded Louis of someone that was about to deliver the news of a death to someone. That was an unsettling thought. “As you all know, Zayn has been going through some tough times with stress over the past few months, and even felt that a break was necessary to try and cope with it. But Zayn and I and Modest have all been speaking during this break that he was on, and we’ve all come to a similar conclusion that is going to be best for him in the long run. It’s going to benefit everyone.”

_This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening._

“I’ve - uh. I’ve decided that the time’s come for me to… to quit the band.” Zayn’s voice was quiet, almost unable to be heard over Louis’ heart pounding in his ears. He slowly turned to face him, noticing that the other’s had done the same, the looks on their faces mirrored to the one that was on his own.

There was only silence after that, no one daring to say anything until Louis pursed his lips together, shrugging casually. “No. Not happening.” Noticing Niall’s immediate nodding in response to his comment, Louis motioned at him to Zayn, who was already beginning to look uncomfortable with the impending confrontation.

“You can’t be serious. We can’t do this without you. It’s five of us until the end.”

Zayn shifted in his seat, averting his gaze as he shrugged. “You’ll be fine. Think of the past week. You did fine without me - so it was like it was practice for… the rest of your careers. I just need to get away from this all.”

“We weren’t fine without you, though. We needed you, Zayn. We always are going to need you. We started this together, and we’re going to finish this together,” Liam finally spoke up, his brows furrowed in confusion. His knuckles were turning white as his hand gripped onto Zayn’s leg tighter, as if he could just try to hold on closer, he could stop him from walking away like this.

All Zayn did was shake his head, looking down as he took his lower lip between his teeth. “No, I know you boys are going to be fine. You’re the most talented lads I’ve ever met. You’ll be able to carry on, no doubt about it.”

Louis stared at him, watching and waiting for something to happen to show that this was all some sort of big joke. But it never came, and as he watched the subtle quiver of Zayn’s lower lip give him away to how real this actually was, he knew there was only one answer to this. He turned back to face Paul and the management rep, but more importantly Paul.

“What if we cancel the rest of the tour? That’d give Zayn six months to take some time off, do what you wanted, get some rest - anything you need. There’s plenty of other options than him having to quit the band. I think all of us would rather have that,” he offered, to which he heard straggling chorus of agreement behind him. He looked back at Zayn, who for the first time in what felt like months, had a strangely foreign look of hope on his face.  
“Canceling the tour is not an option. It would cost us millions,” John from Modest said. “This is the only option that is best for everyone involved.”

The look on Zayn’s face was gone just like that, which only made Louis angry.

“Having one less member of One Direction is not best for everyone. Take millions from us, I doubt we would care if it meant Zayn didn’t leave the band,” Louis spat back, taking a few steps forward. “Zayn is a vital member of this group, and he stays. If he goes, then we don’t have that same dynamic anymore. What are you expecting us to do, replace him? Turn some audition process into a movie for cash to line your pockets?!”

The management rep crossed his arms over his chest, watching Louis carefully despite Paul’s attempts to try and appease everything and calm them all down. “It’s over and done with. Zayn has already been signed out of his contract. We agreed that he wouldn’t have to pay the sixteen million to end it early for legality reasonings. The four of you will continue on. If at some point we realize that a fifth member is crucial to the group’s survival, we’ll cross that bridge when we reach it.”

“Then I’m leaving too. I’m not being a member of this band if it’s only four of us. It’s five or none - that’s just the way it is.” Louis was making a scene by continuing to argue, but he didn’t care. He was furious by how nonchalant Paul and this shmuck were acting. “Sign me out of my contract, I’ll even pay the sixteen million, I don’t give a -”

“Louis, enough.”

Zayn’s voice cut him off, the soft and cool hand to the back of his neck stopping him in his tracks as he turned slightly to see him right behind him, before he continued to walk across the room to stand with Paul and John. Louis wanted nothing more than to reach across the way and grab him and pull him back. He glanced back over his shoulder to where Liam, Niall and Harry were, and felt his stomach lurch as he noticed the obvious hole that was there between them now that Zayn had gotten up from the bed.

He belonged over here with them. He always belonged with them. All of them as together.

Zayn took a breath, before forcing a smile on his face. “They told me I could’ve just done it over the phone, but I had to do it here. In person. I had to tell you guys myself. So, I’m going to issue a statement saying that I’m leaving the band, and you’re all going to issue another saying that you’re going to continue on without me - the tour, the new album, everything.” He shrugged, like he was just telling them the weather. “It’ll be fine. I’ll always be here for you guys - but not here in One Direction anymore,” he said quickly. John’s hand came up to rest on Zayn’s shoulder, smiling at the other boys.

“Sound check is in an hour guys, make sure you’re all ready for the bus by then. It’s a long drive to the arena,” Paul reminded them, bringing back the harsh reality onto them that there was still a show that they needed to put on later this evening. A show without Zayn - just like every other show after this was going to be. Louis blinked slowly, still trying to process what was actually happening right now.

Paul and John started to lead Zayn out, and Louis didn’t even think before he took a step forward and tried to grab onto him, his hand encircling Zayn’s wrist. “ _Zayn_.” His voice was pleading by now, wishing that he could just get Zayn by himself and shake some sense into him.

Zayn glanced over his shoulder at Louis, looking down at their hands that were brushing for a moment before offering up a sad smile to Louis. “Eastside?” he murmured, before they continued to usher him out of the room. His hand slipping down to hold onto Louis’ momentarily, fingers latching through and lingering for a moment before he was gone.

Louis stared at the closed door. “Westside,” he whispered to himself.


End file.
